wrong

So I was wrong on how many pounds I have lost, thank goodness! I have only lost 16 total so that makes me feel alot better and yes I am eating and drinking my Ensure thanks to my mom!

The weekend is almost here and I don't like weekends anymore and I am trying not to let them get to me but this one involves another holiday. I thought I was ok with no more holiday's but with Easter I started stressing and feeling overwhelmed. I think the part that I really don't like is that Larry is missing out on another holiday with the kids. I am not meaning that I like to do them by myself I certainly don't but I feel bad that he doesn't get to participate and see their smiles and see what happens. I know when he has the kids that is the part I don't like is I am missing out on something they are doing and I really don't like that. But I think Easter will be ok all the family is letting me and the kids be a part of it so that is nice. I have to get better at my weekends. I think I am just overwhelmed with it all cause it is just me and the kids and I still have no clue what my future holds. I tried to get some answers from Larry so I could make it through the weekends but I am once again going through them with no answers. I am trying to think positive and keep thinking that Larry said he will remember all that I said but I hope it makes a difference. My new fear is that he is getting used to not being around me for weeks and weekends on it so that is making it easier for him to move on without me. Silly I know but I just want some communication from him cause then I know where I stand. People say that Larry might be taking baby steps to get back into our marriage but it still hurts me that he is and that I am not worth just breaking his wall and letting me in. But I gotta deal with it. Sorry I am so down I just didn't get much sleep with both kids waking me up and than I ended up sleeping on the couch at 5:30am and I am just dreading this weekend. I got 3 to deal with and the first one is always the hardest than the second one gets easier than the third I am doing ok but than Larry comes home the next and I am back to wondering what my life will bring me and if I am going to be disappointed again and told I have to wait more which isn't good for my ego and self-esteem.