Fool's Gold

I started watching Fool's Gold (it came out in 2008) on Thursday when the kids were napping and I hadn't read what it was about just knew it was a romance movie. It started out with a couple who was going through a divorce. Nice. I cried at the beginning but powered through. The kids woke up and I wasn't done with it. I finished it tonight. It was cute and of course they didn't get divorced and fell back into love. Wish my life was a movie cause than it would end with a happy ending. I know my happy ending is coming but I don't know what my future holds. I don't think my marriage is going to fall back in love mine will end in divorce. I can't sleep and that is why I finished the movie tonight. Larry comes home tomorrow. I have no clue if he is here for good or goes back to Canada. Not sure which one I would like at the moment. If he goes back I know how to live until he is done. If he stays I have to live with him being around and get served divorce papers and decide what to do with my life and the kids and let him have time with the kids seperately without me. Those 3 things are very hard for me right now. Seeing him, knowing I am getting divorce papers, and deciding what to do with the kids. The kids part is the hardest for me. I had these kids wanting to be in their lives everyday until they were old enough and wanted to go college or be 18 or 21 or whatever. Now I have to decided when I don't get to see them and how I am to share them seperately with Larry. This is so not what I want this is so not what I want to do. I had these kids to be there for them and to love them everyday and see them smile, cry, laugh, sleep, eat, every possible time I could when I wasn't working. Now I am being forced to not be in there lives 100%. This is so not fair this is so not what I want this is not why I wanted to be a mother to these two precious innocent kids. But this is what has been decided for me. I am not trying to get your sympathy I am just trying to deal with this and I honestly do not know how to deal with it because it is so not what I want so not what I deserve so not fair. Please pray for me because I honestly do not want to do this and I want what is best for me and the kids and I don't want to do this and I can't say it enough but I have to and I hope I do it right. I hope I do it right.