alone

I hate being alone. Once again I am. But this is what Larry wanted. He doesn't think he is being selfish but I do and there is so many ways that he is it is crazy. Enough about that just know that I am sad and alone once again. Part of my life I just have to do it and press on cause this is what Larry has done and wanted for us. Nice. This week was my first week of working 5 days. I haven't done this since I worked at Davies Clinic before I left I think. Maybe one summer I did work at the Urology Clinic 5 days a week now that I think of it between semesters but I haven't been to college in years. It felt weird to have to get up and go to work each day and wonder when Friday was going to be here. I am tired and exhausted but I feel ok that I made just a little bit more money than I did last week and I am doing it for me and the kiddos. I don't think the kids even noticed the change in their schedule at all. Hope they were ok with it. This weekend I have no plans. Just clean, watch the rest of Food Revolution I have seen the first 2 episodes, finish my book that is due to go back to the library next week, watch a Netflix movie by myself and potty train Hunter since we are going to home bound this weekend. Wish him and I luck! Should be fun. I was thinking of getting Grace a haircut also but I haven't gotten very far on that plan yet. I am going to try not to go to the store and buy anything since we are stocked up on milk and food we should be golden. Might even save a buck or two if we don't make it over to the Fred Meyers once this weekend. I got tea in the cupboards so no Starbucks this weekend and I am going to make a PW meal going to make egg in the hole for the kids for breakfast and will see if the eat it Hunter probably will not but I think Grace will. I love all of her breakfast ideas and I am not a breakfast person but I got to be better at it for the kiddos. Especially during the weekends. I gotta drag myself out of bed and go into the kitchen and do my thing instead of wondering around the house. I am cook I can do this! So that is my weekend in a nut shell. Gonna take Misha for a long walk with the kiddos or go to a dog park with them not sure yet depends on the weather and the kids. Hope your weekend is full of fun and exciting things like mine is. Trying to keep it busy so I don't feel alone. Hard to do when you do it all by yourself but this is what I am meant to do. Bring on the aloneness I have done it since October bring it!

After I posted the video of Grace I went back and took pictures of what was in my house. I know I am not alone I have my kids and animals and here they are sleeping and hanging out right now.

This is what Larry walked away from and no I am not alone I have my kids and animals. Larry doesn't have these everynight like I do. I know I need to be more thankful for them that they are here with my and I am. It is the whole principle that Larry can just walk away and be ok with me being alone with the kids and the animals and he can find a new life for him without us. Makes no sense to me. I miss the companionship and knowing someone loves me and that I am not alone. I am very thankful that when I go to sleep every single one of the my precious kids and animals are in the same house with me because I want to be here for them and if that means I have to be alone than so be it. I didn't get to where we are now because I wanted to I tried and it didn't work so will see what time brings.