These are the only 2 pics out of the many I took. Better figure out my camera. Better take another class the intermediate one. Maybe. Will see. Cleaned today. Yelled at my mom today. Sorry mom. Not a good day. I am sorry if I hurt anyone through my choices and mistakes. I don't know what I am doing this is all new to me and I don't know what to do. I don't think I can do this divorce the way Larry wants I want lawyers involved it isn't my fault we can't afford this and I still am unsure if Larry wants the divorce cause he is dragging it on. He wants to fill out a draft copy of the paperwork and give it to me before he leaves and I don't even know if he will do that. He hasn't done alot of what he has said. He keeps changing things he keeps messing with me but he says I am interrupting it wrong. If he doesn't do these draft papers, which I don't know when he is cause he has a company party today and the kids tomorrow and he leaves on Monday. Maybe he has had them done all along I don't know. I might have to do something that is against what I believe and what I don't want just because I can't do this anymore, but in order to be happy and move forward I might have to start this divorce and go to the lawyer and start this. I shouldn't be the one that has to do this it isn't what I want I didn't commit adultery I didn't walk away I didn't keep the past against me, but to make me healthy for me and my kids I have to go against every thing in my heart, head, and belief just to make everyone happy and they say I will be in the end. We have kids I have no clue what I am doing I don't know whether to do it cheaply and not involve the lawyers but I also want closure and to do this right for me and the kids. I will probably regret this forever if I have to do it. I just want to be happy I just want to get what I want in the end and I don't even know what that is anymore I just know I want this all to stop and move forward and not drag it on anymore and wait anymore on his time. He said in February he wanted a divorce and we haven't even done it. One of my faults is not being patient but I have been so patient I think. Please pray for me I gave him 2 days he knows and then we will see he is either in or out. Please know everyone that I am so against divorce, I am so against this it makes me sick but I can't live this way it is unhealthy and I tried my very, very best to save my marriage with all that has happened. I was willing to go to counseling I was willing to see if I could forgive and forget. I just can't do this anymore and I might have to be the one that finishes it. I wanted him to but I don't think I can do it on his time anymore or wait for him to afford it. It has been 5 months now and I am close to a mental breakdown and it isn't worth it because I need to be here for the kids I am the strong one the one they see everyday. Please pray for me the next few days especially if I have to go to the lawyer or if I just decide to wait and see if Larry produces the papers like he says. Not sure what is going to happen. But this can't continue this way. I am worth more than what I am going through I just know that I am.