leaping

I am alive. I am in limbo again and don't like it. I hate this. So to make it stop I have to stop trying, giving, and showing to Larry. I am done. It is in his court and if he doesn't figure it out than I have my answer. I am toast I am fried and I just want to get action from him and I don't think I will I thought maybe I would. I thought maybe he would see the new me and like what he has and fix him, fix us, fix our marriage, fix our family and be a family with us and make an effort to make this work. If I don't see an effort than I am not doing this anymore. I have to take a step back and see what he does if he doesn't give than I am not giving anymore and I am done. There is someone out there if it isn't Larry that will show me I am worth it and that he likes what he sees and thinks that I am hot enough to fight for and show that he wants to be with me and wants to call me, text me, email me and be with me. If it isn't going to be Larry than I am all for someone new cause I deserve to be loved. I know I didn't show Larry love but I have been trying, and trying to show him I get it now but now we have a huge mess in the middle of it all but I am willing to help fix it if he can get help for him, get help for us, and get rid of the girl. If he can't than I am all for finding someone who will give me and the kids 100%! I have learned so much about myself, love, sex, emotions in the last 5 months and I am ready to use it and I explained this all to Larry and I don't know if it is even made a dent. I am ok with whatever way this goes. I am all for my marriage but if he isn't than I am all for a new life of happiness with me and the kids. I will be ok either way this goes. I am not scared to be alone anymore. I am excited to either have Larry on board to fix this mess and learn from the mistakes or find a new guy in the future to show all that I have learned about myself and life in the last few months. I just want Larry to keep taking a leap and move forward with whatever. He took a leap for joint counseling so why not keep leaping forward and fix us? Leap Larry leap! If not your going to miss out on something good! If any of you read my blog and see him, text him, email him, or go to lunch with him tell him to leap and get out of limbo! Your either for your marriage or not! Figure it out! Keep leaping! If not your going to be 100% for fixing your marriage than leap out of it. I have leaped so much and now I am stepping back and taking a break and see what happens and hopefully get answers and than I will either proceed with the divorce or not. If I get no answers than I have my answer and I am all for a new life with my kids. So yes I am alive but in limbo but I put myself in it and I can take myself out at anytime I am just giving Larry some time to think about what I have said, done, and request.