my babies

my babies are growing to fast for me. i love them to pieces. today i was reminded that they are my life and my life choices are for them and my life decisions are for them and i hope that in years to come that they will realize that i love them with my whole entire heart and soul. my big boy, hunter has been saying mama i love you and let me tell you i love it. my grace bell can count from 1-10 pretty good and she talks up a storm and repeats words very, very well, which makes me proud but makes me realize my baby is getting too big for me. makes me realize i will probably not have any more babies. my babies are getting so big and life is going by too fast. i love them to pieces and this is getting easier to handle cause of the age they are at. it is so much easier to have them both walk to the car and both talk to me and tell me what they want. it is easier for them to play together and hang out with each other and for me to play with them on the floor forever and just enjoy being in their presence and them in mine. i love my babies too pieces and i hope that i show them that everyday. they are my life. they make me smile and laugh. they keep me up and let me not get much sleep but i wouldn't trade them for the world. i love my hunter bear and my mouse so much that i hope they see that everyday in my face and i am so blessed to be there mother and to kiss them, hug them, talk to them, laugh with them, and go through all the not so fun drama of learning how to deal with life dramas through tears, screams, falls, and sadness. i love my two kiddos to death and i would do anything for them and i hope they someday will realize that and see that they are my world.

been awhile

Sorry I haven't blogged in awhile. I am doing great. Life is still crappy but I am doing awesomely well thank you! I am excited about life excited about whatever happens and ready to take everyday as a good day. I think it must be the sun or keeping the plants alive around my house or just redecorating the house and learning more about me and just being excited about the unknown instead of dreading it. Bring it is my new motto again. I took the house of the market. Paid off a debt. Divorce hasn't started but I am moving forward with whatever life brings me. I am making changes in the house and it is looking nice but empty in some areas it will take time and budgeting to get it to what I have invisioned in my head. Kids are doing great. They weren't at the beginning of last week and we powered through that and we all learned new lessons and how to make it through it and we are still working on a few lessons on who is in charge and the word no and not to scream. I am also trying to learn to be more patient and give loves more and hug and kiss my kiddos like crazy. I need it and they need it so why not give them all the love I want to give. I haven't taken any pictures with my camera. I have been taking more with my phone it is hander and easier to send them out to family members by just clicking a button and not downloading all the time. I have to learn how to download them from my phone to the computer.

So that is what is going on. I am surviving and alive with life and ready to deal with whatever comes my way. Watch out world I am not the same person I was last year! I am super crazy and I will show you all that I know that I am a beautiful person and a great mother of two growing up to fast for me kiddos and I am learning everyday that I am sexy even if I don't get sleep and if I wear makeup or not. :) And my kids love me for me even when I am sad, mad, tired, or grumpy and I love them to pieces when they are that way to.

Hugs to everyone!

books

The last few days driving in my car with the kids has been anything but fun. Hunter's new thing is not liking anything and doesn't like Grace doing anything. He doesn't want her happy music on he doesn't want her to be sleeping and so on. Enough to make me want to scream in the car. Today was the worst. So I don't know when I thought of it today but we have way too many books in the bookshelf and I took all the toys out of the car and stacked books in between the carseats alot of their favorites. Gave them each a book and it was Heaven going to Target tonight for milk. Both were reading and getting new books from between them even Hunter shared a book and gave it to Grace and Grace sang to her happy music while reading a book. It was very cute to hear them point and read their books and I would ask them if they see such a such since I have read every book to them I don't know how many times. Alittle bit of Heaven back in my car. I hope it lasts.

so many things i want

Don't you hate it when you want so many wordly items that you know you want to have or can't afford? I certainly do! But I am going to budget and work towards buying the items I want after I am good with household items and things for the kiddos than I will set aside money for the items I want. My plan right now is to rearrange my kitchen/desk area. Very excited! I will start working on this area maybe tomorrow or next week. Gotta stop buying things and be a pack rat for a few days and then maybe I will do a major makeover of that area! Keep you posted! Going to try to only spend $175 on making it all different will see how I do. Before and after pics will certainly be taken!

coupon class

I went to a free 1 hour coupon class tonight at the Canby Public Library. It was awesome. Learned alot and I am excited to start saving money on brand name products! The lady that taught the class was so real and excited and a mother of 4. Here is her website www.FrugalLivingNW.com and she posts coupon deals on there so you don't have to spend hours looking for good deals. This is what I learned from the class. To budget for your family do $100 per big/adult person in your family per month, $75 dollars on a child per month, and $50 on a baby per month. And this is for food and household items for them. The goal of couponing is to get name brand for equal or cheaper than Winco or Walmart. Those printable coupons you get at Fred Meyers or other stores you can use them at anyplace if they say Manufacture coupon on them even if it has Fred Meyers on the right hand side. Safeway especially will honor these! Stockpile your pantry with things you need in bulk with your coupon savings with double coupons and than you will be able to spend more on everyday items. Once a year buy the condiments and baking items cause they are on sale for very cheap once a year if you stock up on them at those sales than you should be good for a year. I learned so much more I would recommend going to her website and going to the classes section and seeing when her next class is it is worth it. You never know you might save alot at the register the next time you go to the store. If you do save alot let me know I would love to hear about your savings! If you save than you can spend on other things in your life like buying organic food or buying more clothes for you and your family.

I also got the book...Be thrifty. How to live better with less. Going to start reading that one soon. Can you tell that I am on budget, survive through this all and super momma mode? :)

lucy.

My cat Lucy is my favorite cat. She was with me when I was dating Larry. I had two cats when I meet him and than I lost them and Lucy came in my life. She is 9 years old. I don't know when she was born I just know I got her and had her a year before I was married. So I just add a year and that is how I remember how old she is. She sleeps by my head alot of the time at night. I never hear her she doesn't purr like Kramer does and she is pretty quite. Why am I blogging about her? Cause I was reading blogs that I like to look at and she is sitting on the computer on the mouse wire with her chin on the upper part of the computer desk watching the computer screen. She is usually in the same room as me and I think as she gets older she gets closer to me and hangs out closer to me on the couch and hanging out at night and sleeping by. She has been the most healthiest of all the animals and I can't remember the last time we took her to the vet other than to get her fixed as a kitten. I hope she stays with me until she is too old to be a cat. And I never blog about her. She does wish she was an outside cat but I don't have the heart to let her have her wish cause that is how I lose my cats to the outdoors. No thanks I would like to keep my cats and if she is ok with hanging out with me and the kids than she is stuck inside!
Ok so I had to take her picture she looked to funny to me. Here she is hanging out with me. Notice my Photoshop books I borrowed from my mom in the background. I haven't opened them yet but will in time.

You crack me up Lucy!

music, music, music

A coworker told me today that my obsession with music is a way for me to get away from what is going on. And you know what? She is right. I just got another Lady Antebellum album. Love it. Love the songs love the words. I want to be loved in that way if you know what I mean. Just want to be loved. Who is going to want a divorced, single mom of two in huge debt and working on her issues? Someone I hope cause that is the only thing that is keeping me going. I wish it was Larry but I have to take a big breathe and realize it probably isn't going to be so maybe in a few years I will be loved again. Until then I will listen to music because that is a way for me to escape and realize what I want. Maybe it will happen. Maybe it will not but I got my kids and music.

I lost Misha yesterday

My heart dropped when I found out I lost her. I was at the Robinson's with the kids and Misha. I had put her collar on before we all loaded up in the car. I take her collar off everyday cause it is noisy and when the kids sleep and at night. I am 50/50 about putting it on when we go places. Yesterday, we hung outside in evening in the sun in the backyard and the pool pump was getting fixed. I don't really keep track of Misha she has been at this house for 4 years but today we weren't in the pool just fixing it and she must have got away between the pool shed cause she is small enough to. I now know. Larry got the call about her. He is in Canada and his number is on her collar. Corey took the call and went and picked her up where the people told Larry where she was at. I was moritifed. I didn't even know I lost her or that she was gone or how long she was gone. I am so thankful her collar was on. I am so thankful that Larry has his cell phone in Canada. I am so thankful she is back. She is my firstborne in my eyes cause she was the first little thing we brought up. I lost Misha yesterday but I am very thankful she is with us today.

music

I love music! I love music alot more now than I did before. I listen to the words and just enjoy listening to it. I love to sit on my porch on nice nights and just listen to my phone and plug in my earphones. I love to hear my kids sing. I love to listen to Grace sing she is my singer of the two.

bored

I am bored.

Thanks Jesse for the book recommendation my mom ordered it for me so I will see if it works. Tonight was a good night for me and the kids. No meltdowns no screaming no problems with listening. Thank goodness.

Grace is getting sick her nose is running and I woke up with the same stuff so I hope we both don't get sick this weekend it would not be fun. Grace does a pretty good job singing she can say words to Twinkle Twinkle and ABC's not all of the words but she will say a good portion. She says Mama, where are you? When she can't find me it is very cute and enduring. I seriously think her hair grew another curl or two just from this am. She seems older to me to and seems to be growing like a weed. It might be cause she talks so much that I think she is a big girl. She makes funny facial expressions to and she has a fake cry it is funny. She loves popcorn and has to have it everyday. She can sing some of the words to the Little Einstein shows. She will only wear her jelly shoes and will only wear a certain pink coat and will have a fit if she doesn't like what you put on her to wear. I know I am in big trouble. This isn't supposed to start until they are 2 or 3 but for some reason it has started already in my almost 17 month old. She has to have both her pink and blue blankies now just not one. She has to have her "happy" music on in the car. It is a kids CD that the first song is if your happy and you know it clap your hands and so on. She sings to every song a word or two it is pretty cute to watch and listen. Yes, I don't listen to my music anymore in the car when I have the kids there. It is very nice when it is just me in the car cause I can listen to whatever I want. Grace loves to sit on counters and just hang out there and watch whatever you do. She is the pets little keeper. She will tell the cats no and tell Misha to go potty and tell her not to bark when she barks. She is my little drill sergeant. But yesterday I had the longest cuddle session with her ever and it was wonderful it was for about 10 minutes and it was per bliss.

My Hunter has been my struggle but I think we both our struggling so I need to take a step back and just give him as much love as I have in me and not think of what is to come or what isn't in his life. I need to focus on him and not take it out on him and enjoy every moment I have on him and deal with him looking just like Larry and enjoy Hunter for who he is and who he is becoming. We had a good night we watched Ratatoullie and he liked it this time the last time he didn't like it and that was maybe 9 months ago but today I asked a coworker and my mom for some DVD's to borrow to see if he would like them for something new and since I didn't have plans for this weekend and it is raining wanted something new for him to watch and see if he liked. He is doing awesome at going potty! He is a rock star with it. We just have to conquer the night part and we are home free. I have to get a plastic cover for his big boy bed any suggestions on where to get one of those? His bed came from IKEA but I don't think the have the plastic sheet but wouldn't any do? The last three nights he hasn't woke up demanding milk or his door to be opened cause I keep telling him when he goes to bed if he wakes up and it is dark not to ask for milk cause Grace and I are sleeping and if he goes back to sleep and wakes up and it is sunny in his room than he can have an M&M with his Vitamin. I know sugar in the morning is bad but it has worked for the last 3 nights and he hasn't asked for the M&M in the am with his Vitamin and he says no when I ask if he wants it. Now I just have to get Grace figured out with her belly and why she keeps screaming and grunting and moving around about 4:30am and wakes up at 5am. I think I am going to try giving her soy milk at night before she goes to bed or put probiotics in her bottle before she goes to bed to see if that works. I also got her fluoride which I haven't tried with her yet cause Hunter's belly didn't like it at all he had diarrhea with it. So maybe it will make her more regular will start that tomorrow with her Vitamin. I know the Vitamin could be one of her causes for her belly but I got to keep doing it cause she sees Hunter get his and she wants one so I gotta do it for her health. I am actually going to go purchase something for the kids tomorrow! We are going to Target to see if we can find a Quasedilla maker and make those and peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches with it and omletes with it. A coworker suggested it so I thought I would get one and let Hunter help make stuff and see if he will eat better with it. He loves to cook so I thought why not.

I am going to a free 1 hour coupon class at the Canby Library in a couple of weeks I am pretty excited about it I hope I learn some new ways to save money and budget buying food better! I want to take a photography class but not sure when. My goal is to get the next class done that follows the one I went to and than take a Photoshop class before my birthday and maybe get the Photoshop program and treat myself for my birthday and than be set for awhile and start taking better pictures of the kiddos and photoshopping them on the computer. I got 2 more months to get to that point so I am saving for that and figuring out how to reach that goal on top of everything else going on.

I better jet Hunter isn't asleep yet but I either need to read a chapter or two in my Red Tent book or watch another episode of Food Revolution. Night to you all thanks for letting me ramble on. This friday night is almost done. I hope my baby Grace sleeps good with her snotty nose and that my Hunter Bear sleeps like a rock tonight and that me and the animals sleep through the whole night until 7 am. It is a nice dream but maybe it will happen tonight?!

listening

First off a friend gave me a copy of Colbie Caillat CD! I love it! Thank you dear friend!

Second, I wore my new make up today and put it on in stages because of the kiddos. Put on my powder blush at home and at a stop light put on the light shade on my eyes and before I got into work I put the rest of the eye make up on. Felt very pretty. My poor hair didn't get alot of love cause I was trying to just do makeup. Baby steps and I got to get up early and try to figure out how to keep the kids from wanting my attention and getting them and myself ready in the 1/2 hour that I have. I didn't fall asleep until after midnight last night so I didn't want to get up.

Third, I need help with suggestions for teaching Hunter to listen and obey. I am having a big struggle with him with this. On top of everything that him and I are learning together with Grace watching I am just not doing this right. I tried time out I tried taking stuff away I tried spanking I tried spanking with a spoon (the worst I know) but I don't know what else to do. He has the worst temper and no patience and does not listen and wants it his way and I am so tired of him not listening to me and alot of things lately being a war even dinner at night even walking through the door cause he didn't want to go home yet. So since I don't know what I am doing I am so up for suggestions or books that anyone recommends. I have tried giving him quarters for being nice to Grace and Kramer and not screaming and that worked for a few days but not anymore. I have read Dare to Discipline and a parenting book by 2 authors but I can't remember the name but I am almost toast with the meltdowns Hunter has from just not listening and obeying and I know it is his age and what is going on around him and my emotions on top of it which I am getting better at hiding but I don't know what else to do. Any suggestions for me on how to get him to listen and obey? If I don't get him figured out his little sister is just around the corner and watching and I want to make sure I do this right.

getting my way

I hate it when things don't go my way and alot of things aren't. I am learning lately that my way isn't always the best and even though I want it to be or I want things my way maybe it isn't what needs to happen. Thinking and making more decisions in my life not liking them but maybe my new decisions will be the right one! At least I can smile about what I am thinking about doing and once again I am not getting my way but oh well. If your curious...it is about the house.

pampered

Tonight I got pampered from head to toe. Teather told me someone wanted me to enjoy a Mary Kay spa time with just her and I. I didn't know who was doing this but when I got to Teath's house and she told me I was getting a head to toe makeover and getting any product I wanted I was thrilled and felt bad about spending someone elses money and she wouldn't tell me who. It was very fun looking at all the product and picking out cleaners, foundations, eye colors, lipsticks, eye puffy fixers stuff, a new fruity perfume and bath gel (that is coming soon) and more then I would ever spend on myself right now just to make me feel beautiful. Then Teath let me enjoy a foot spa session. It was a fun night and I will be wearing my new colors on my face and hopefully taking better care of the skin on my face.

Here is what I got all bundled up and ready to be used and enjoyed!

Thank you to my mom and Wayne for watching the kids for me tonight and staying out way later than I thought I would be out. Thank you also for doing this for me and spending the money to let me just go at pick out stuff for me. Thanks for finally telling me it was you guys once I got it out of you! It was very nice to feel special and thanks for taking care of the kids and satying out late. I am up cause Hunter would not go to sleep until he hung out with me and watched Little Einstein so he just went to bed about 10 minutes ago. I better jet and clean of this makeup with my new stuff! Felt great to be pampered! Thanks again mom and Wayne.

wish

I wish I may I wish I might I wish upon that star tonight...if only wishes came true.

maid

I don't know how many times today I thought it would be VERY nice to have a maid! I still didn't get everything I needed done. Between playdoh on the floor and kitchen table and having to sweep up everytime the kids played with it and many loads of laundry that I still haven't folded all of it and the numerous times my house looked like a daycare and I picked up most of it I can say that I am tired and wish I had a maid.